A short piece discussing feeling low during the New Year, and why it’s okay.

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It’s New Years Eve, and almost everyone you know is ecstatic for the new year to arrive. Dressing up in flashing dresses/suites, buying champagne, going to party at clubs (hopefully not in 2020), listing their new years resolutions, etc, it seems people are optimistic regarding what the next year has to bring.

However, you’re noticing you don’t share that same excitement and joy. Rather, you feel yourself feeling more down, depressed, anxious, exhausted, etc, than usual. The thought of a new year arriving doesn’t make you hopeful, and seeing everyone around you be so happy may even slightly irritate you. There may even be a slight pressure from others, or from your own conscious, to force yourself to “be happy,” '“celebrate,” “be grateful,” and to “not be so negative,'“ despite how underwhelmed you feel.

I just want for you to know, that you are not alone.

This phenomenon, coined as the New Years Blues, is a common occurrence for people when the new year is approaching. While society depicts for this transition to be smooth and joyous, the reality is that it’s actually draining and painful for others.

“What’s Wrong With Me?”

Despite the celebrations going on, the end of the year can be an extremely tough and exhausting time for many people for various of reasons, from tragedy to failed goals. Typically, the end of the year symbolizes a call for reflection regarding what transpired throughout the year, both the negative and positive. This unfortunately can create an opportunity to ruminate on the goals you were unable to accomplish, the events you missed out on potentially due to a physical or mental illness, the loved ones lost, and overall comparing yourself to others who appeared to have an easier year than you did. Not to mention, in 2020 specifically, the entire world underwent collective trauma due to the causes and effects of the COVID-19 virus, which is sadly still impacting many families everywhere.

So no, in my eyes, there is nothing wrong with you. What you’re currently feeling is normal and just as valid as being excited for the new year.

“When Will This Feeling Go Away?”

Honestly, it all depends. For some people, their low mood may only last for the first day of the new year. However, for others, the feeling may persistent until the very beginning of February.

However, I would suggest placing more importance not on how quickly you can rid of these feelings, but taking time to evaluate where your emotions are coming from. Your emotions are bubbling underneath the surface, and deserve the appropriate amount of time and support to carefully analyze and understand what and where in your life you’d wish for things to be different. This would the perfect opportunity to reflect on what is triggering your emotions, so you may be able to begin the process of healing from the previous year when you’re ready.

You shouldn’t feel rushed to “get over” or “fake” your emotions regarding the new year, and you are entitled to spend as much as time as possible to process this transition.

Happy New Year to you, and if no one has told you this yet, I’m happy you’re still here with us. Take as much time as you need to emotionally rest and prepare to step fully into 2021 with as much grace as you can fester.

We live in a world that has conditioned us into always being on the move. Work, academics, family life, etc, it is expected of us to stay on top of our obligations, and at times is frowned upon if we fail to do so.

This societal norm allows for us to successfully reach our personal goals, take care of our families, and obtain accolades by certain ages, creating a legacy for each individual. However, while the prior can be viewed as positive, such a norm also robs us as humans the deserved opportunity to become present within our bodies and emotions, due to the process of doing potentially becoming too much of a distraction from our outside duties.

Providing an emphasis on being emotionally present may be viewed by some as a distraction to other obligations, due to the complexity of the feelings experienced, a lack of understanding regarding where these emotions are coming from, and attempts (honestly, sometimes failures) to understand why they even exist. With the societal pressure of “always being on the-go,” and lacking the time to emotionally check in with ourselves, as a community we have unintentionally created a culture where we automatically search for solutions or short term fixes (mainly negative coping mechanisms) as a means to solve our problems quickly, rather than feeling the raw emotions bubbling underneath the surface. Strategizing various ways to momentarily fix the pain underneath, such as utilizing substances, compulsive eating, forcing oneself into multiple activities, pushing emotions to the side, etc, may become instinctual actions taken once reaching young adulthood. Unfortunately, these quick fixes fail to heal us for long periods of time. Rather, they only assist in placing our emotions on hold until they become too much to bare.

By automatically adjusting our time and energy into quickly solving our struggles, or disregarding personal inconveniences, the norm of harming ourselves by not allowing our bodies the agency to feel continues.

But..

What could possibly happen, if we allowed ourselves to be emotionally still?

You may have heard the term “Be Still” before, meaning to refrain from controlling the circumstances around you and having faith that God will lead the way. Yes, in my opinion the spiritual meaning on the quote has proven to be true, but I also believe this saying can be implemented when speaking about our mental health.

Being still, emotionally, means to fight back against outside distractions, fighting back against unproductive coping mechanisms, facing your emotions head on. It means to be vulnerable. It means to be emotionally honest. It means to soak within your pool of emotions without regret. The concept may sound ridiculous, weak, or stupid, but is highly recommended by mental health professionals. You’ll be surprised by the load of sorrow, anger, shame, guilt, bitterness, etc, fighting to be released from your body after harboring these emotions for days, months, or years.

Emotional stillness is terrifying, because it requires us to become emotionally naked for it to work properly. Allowing our emotions to overflow forces us to decrease the environmental, habitual, and/or relational distractions we have utilized as coping mechanisms, resulting in seeing ourselves passed the rose colored glasses we’ve created. Rather than relying on logic or action, we have to allow our bodies weep, letting our feelings and thoughts to flow from our brains, through our bloodstream, to the tips of our fingers, to receive an honest answer regarding what may be wrong with us, and to detect exactly what event has been causing us such distress.

The goal of emotional stillness is not exactly ruminating on these emotions for excessive periods of time without reaching out for professional help. However, feeling them nonetheless, may be the very step needed to further understand your emotional reactions to present or past events, and may be a clue into what you must do next in order to truly heal.

Sometimes, all you can do is sit in your discomfort

Without attempting to cover up, fix, or distract yourself from the pain

And truth be told,

That’s okay.

You have the human right to feel

You have the human right to be emotionally still.